From Baptist Men On Mission:

“I’ve seen this,” Regi Campbell says, telling a story. “We had this gathering with about 200 guys and the speaker said ‘If you want a mentor, raise your hand.’ Everybody raised their hand. I mean, 70-year-old guys were raising their hands wanting a mentor. Then (the speaker) said, ‘if you’re ready or willing to be a mentor, raise your hand.’ Nobody raised his hand.”

Continue reading You Can’t Spell Mentoring Without Men

The recent news on the world’s most famous golfer – perhaps its most famous athlete – prompted me to search for the following on Google:

“Tiger Woods & mentor”

Four of the first five returns list two men: Earl Woods, his father, and Bill Walsh, formerly of the San Francisco 49ers.  Until I read it, I didn’t know the legendary football coach played a key role in Tiger’s life.

Here’s what I found interesting:  all four entries are obituraries.  Earl Woods died in May 2006 of prostate cancer. Bill Walsh died in June 2007 after battling leukemia.

You see where I am going.  Around the world, guys are asking at lunch, in pubs and between tee shots how the husband of a stunning former model, father of two beautiful children, the world’s best golfer and first billion dollar athlete –  the guy who has everything – could let this happen?

I don’t know all of the details.  None of us ever will.  But reports suggest the earliest of Tiger’s poor choices correspond closely with the loss of two influential men in his life – his father and his mentor.

I say that knowing I wear mentor-colored glasses.  

So how do you see it?  Tiger is responsible for his choices, but do you think the loss of these men put him in a tailspin?

On Thanksgiving, my younger brother Blaine began a three-day golf tournament. I was his caddie. It was the last opportunity to spend some quality time with him before he leaves for the University of South Carolina on a golf scholarship. I’m proud to say he’s a good player. He’s an even better teenager.

I caddied for him is because his father – my stepfather – couldn’t. It’s against tournament rules, and generally frowned upon in junior golf. Dad can watch, but he must stay on the cart path.

If you play golf, then you know how frustrating it can be. This tournament was no exception. Blaine couldn’t sink a putt to save his life. Only two birdies in 54 holes. He finished at four over - atypical for a kid courted by some of the best colleges in the Southeast.

When Blaine began to gravitate toward golf as a child, dad coached him, teaching him the fundamentals of the game. He also taught Blaine how to carry himself – to hold his head high in the valleys, to walk modestly when on the mountain…when birdies came easy.

Blaine would have been on his own if he had no caddie – a mentor “temp” if you will.  He would have had to face it alone, with little voice of encouragement.  Instead, he used me as a sounding board to keep him out of his own head and not resort to immature displays of emotion – like some other guys did – when putts didn’t drop.

During each round, while I’d stand next to Blaine in the fairway or behind him lining up a putt, dad was in view but always at a distance…silent…able to only watch.

Dad expressed to me later how much he appreciated me being there, though he knew he didn’t have to.  Blaine is my brother, and while I am not his mentor, our age differences put me in a mentor-like role. 

Dad’s sincere appreciation reminded me of Chris Bentson’s post back in September, of just how important a mentor is to a father.  How powerful it is – the male voice that echoes the father’s, but isn’t the father’s. It allows for distance – distance between the father and the values he has tried to instill in the son. The man who invests in the son’s development and shares the father’s values enables the son to see the values stand alone and are embraced by other men worthy of respect.

I see why golf is so often used as a backdrop for life in books and movies. Like the 18-hole journey, it has its peaks and valleys.  Eventually, every father must watch from a distance, leaving the son to other men to help him avoid the traps, navigate the changing winds, and stay the course.

Other golfers in the foursome didn’t have caddies, and some of them did fine. But some of them could have used an ear, some key advice, or maybe a person to rake the sand trap or just do what caddies do: shoulder some of the load.

At the very least, the ones that didn’t have a caddie just seemed lonely, walking a wide open fairway with nothing but their clubs and their thoughts.

CADDIES WANTED.

As a mentor, you’re expected to give advice. It’s part of the gig. Your mentorees come to you with all kinds of questions, so you get in the habit of reacting rather than responding.

And that gets you into trouble.

Think about it: you’re in the hospital in intensive care and you overhear the nurses say, “He’s responding to the medication.” That’s a good thing.

But if you hear “He’s reacting to the medication”, that’s a bad thing. Reacting is usually bad…responding is usually good.

This played out for me personally when I saw my grandson sort of panic about something I thought he shouldn’t fear. His parents comforted him when I thought they should have encouraged him. They thought “It’s o.k….we’re right here” was the appropriate response. I thought “Stand up there, big boy! nothing to be afraid of…you can handle it!” was called for.

I gave them some advice that they didn’t ask for, and was reminded of a gargantuan principle I learned years ago but drove right past…

Unsolicited advice is ALWAYS received as criticism.

As a mentor to my children and to the men I invest in, I must discipline myself to respond, not react. I must take in the facts…i.e. the knowledge of what’s happened.

Then I have to put it in the CONTEXT of the people involved…THEIR frame of reference…THEIR willingness and ability to hear advice at that moment.

Proverbs says through understanding, a house is established (24:3). That’s context. Context and understanding is the step we often skip.

We jump from “I’ve got the facts”, to “Here’s what you should do”, without gaining understanding.

Only with understanding can I provide wisdom….i.e. the “what to do” kind of advice that will be gratefully received.

I told a dear friend about my screwup this weekend. And of course, he nailed me with the best question possible.  “Regi, did you pray and ask God for guidance before you spoke?”

I didn’t. And I paid for it.

The takeaway for mentors?

1. Respond, don’t react.
2. Before you dispense advice, consider not just what you know, but the context – the people involved, the situation, their willingness to listen, their awareness of the issue that might lead them to a wise action WITHOUT your advice.
3. Dispense your wisdom sparingly and carefully. Wisdom upon request gets a whole different response than unsolicited.

Has this happened to you?  Have you made the mistake of giving unsolicited advice?

I learned a long time ago….I’m always leading. I’m leading people toward success…or not. I’m leading my kids toward independence from God….or toward dependence on God. I’m leading every person I encounter toward God…or away from God. 24/7/365. There’s no “neutral” when it comes to God. Silence and inertia are negative, not neutral.

So when the people in our everyday world look at us – look to us - where are we leading? Yeah, we can say all the church words and do the “Godspeak” thing. But when it gets down to what we’re DOING, how we’re acting, how we’re relating, where are we leading? What are we leading them toward?…or away from?

We’ve created institutions to tell us what to do, so we’re relieved of the requirement to act on our own initiative and follow God personally. We can put our “God stuff” in the church box, cracking it open ONLY on Sunday morning and in small groups.  It makes it pretty easy to avoid the tension that comes with following Him during the rest of the week in less user-friendly environments.

But if we recognize that we’re always leading…that people are always watching what we do….then we have a choice to make. Will we remember that we were created by God for one purpose?  Will we choose to start loving and serving people minute by minute, purposed to show them Jesus by how we live and act? Or will we fall in line with everyone else…look out for ourselves, do what’s asked of us, keep our mouths shut, and avoid the inconvenience of bringing God into life outside of Sunday morning and the holy huddle?

Wake-up call: God is already in everything. He’s made it clear what He wants us to do…how He wants us to lead (clue: be a servant).

The question is not will we lead, but what or who we will lead people to.

Self reliance, “happiness”, “success”, and pride? (”Look at me…look what I’ve done”)

Or…

Surrender, joy, humility, meaning and fulfillment. (”I love you, because God first loved me. Look at Him”)

You decide.

Third-party validation is always exciting, especially when it comes unsolicited.

Michael Hyatt is the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers and a prolific blogger.  Today, he recommended Regi’s book, Mentor Like Jesus, on his blog.  And many people read his blog.  Many people.

And get this: he’s recommending the book although it was published by a competitor. 

The phrase commonly used to describe such an action?  ”Unheard of.”

Three things at work here:  God, a willing leader, a compelling need.

God.  Michael. Mentoring.

And best of all?  Michael is starting a group.

I was fortunate enough to go through one of the first Next Generation Mentoring groups back in 2003.  One of my biggest takeaways from the group was learning how to effectively memorize Scripture.  My mentor required me to memorize two new Scriptures per month.  Although I was skeptical that I could retain this many Bible verses over a period of a year, I was surprised to learn that it really is not that hard.  It just takes a little initial effort and them some regular maintenance. 

For example, think about your favorite songs from your youth.  You heard the songs a lot during a short period of time and then occasionally since.  It should be a bit inspiring to realize just how many lyrics you have memorized in your head!

Effective Scripture memorization starts by reciting a verse or passage repeatedly for a week until you have it down.  The regular maintenance comes by revisiting the verse or passage at least once a week.  I have found that if I meditate on each verse that I have memorized weekly, then I retain it in my permanent memory. 

Since my group experience in 2003, I have added to the verses I memorized by adding additional verses from the same passage.  I have also added dozens of new passages as well and even memorized all of Psalm 51.  This has not been an overnight success story, but rather by being a “steady plodder” I have been able to store away over 60 Bible passages in my brain over an extended period of time.

The biggest benefit and blessing to my life from memorizing these Scriptures has been being able to recite these throughout the day when tempted.  I have found that there is no greater spiritual defense in my day-to-day living than carrying Scripture around in my head.  The key to success in this area is learning each verse by topic.  For example, one of my topics is “fear.”  When I am confronted with any aspect of fear during the day, my mind has been trained to quickly refer to 2 Timothy 1:7.  Repeating the verse, For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind, is extremely comforting and reassuring to me. 

Some of my other favorite topics are honesty, contentment, eternal perspective, edifying words, and honoring my wife.  I now have a filing cabinet of topics in my mind that I can turn to as needed. 

One of the most exciting aspects of Scripture memory that I have experienced recently as a father has been successfully teaching my children to memorize Scripture.  I have pulled out verses that are most applicable to their lives and then I have taught them to attach a topic to each verse. How rewarding it is to hear them quote Scripture!  Giving them an incentive, such as a small sum of money, for each verse or passage memorized is certainly worth the monetary investment.  Loading their minds with Scripture is certainly making an impactful eternal deposit in their lives!

If you are challenged or tempted in a certain area, get in the Word and find a key verse to combat your temptation.  Then memorize the verse or passage and assign a topic to it.  Meditate on this verse every morning until you have it down and then revisit it at least weekly.  Pretty soon you’ll have this verse in your permanent memory and you can pull it out and actively use it in your life when you need it the most!

My Next Generation Mentoring group was a life-changing experience for me.  Effectively memorizing Scripture was just one of the many takeaways that have improved the quality of my spiritual life.

We’re a couple of months into this mentoring conversation, and so far, it’s mainly been one-way, peppered by some thoughtful comments.

And THANK YOU for those comments. Blogging is akin to shouting  in a forest – you wonder if anyone hears you. The comments tell me you are, and please know I read them, even when there’s no response.

I know I have a key role in this online discussion, but it is your voices that really need to be heard.

The collection of voices – mentors and mentorees – will add depth, and depth will be the very thing that’s called for when someone stops in for a visit.

So let’s offer that visitor a good reason to stay. If you want to contribute, send an email to sean@nextgenmentoring.com and he’ll set you up with a login to post.

As we go down the mentoring road together, I plan to share things I pick up from others and link it so you can share in it too. When I read Rick Warren’s post about Jesus as a mentor, I thought “pretty cool.”  Take a few minutes and read what “the next Billy Graham” has to say
about making disciples….. the way Jesus did.

In my last post, I shared what I missed about the “spring” that Jesus puts in us, a “spring of (living) water welling up to eternal life.” (vs. 14)

At the very time Jesus was saying these words to the woman at the well, his disciples were in town buying food (vs. 8). But when they returned and urged Him to eat, He wouldn’t…..or couldn’t. They asked each other, “Has anyone else brought him something to eat?”

Jesus was so fired up about what he was doing, he couldn’t eat. The woman at the well “got it.” She accepted Him as Messiah.

How did He know?

Because she went into town and not only told everyone….she brought them to Jesus so they could see for themselves (vs. 28-30). She had become a mentor…a disciple-maker.

And that got Jesus so fired up that He couldn’t eat. He said “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work.” He saw the fruit of his engagement with the woman at the well. And it inspired Him!

What did he do to make all this happen? It’s so freaking simple….

1. He loved her enough to engage her in real conversation.
2. He challenged her to see herself honestly and to confront the truth about her life
3. He cast a vision for her….a vision of being a “true worshipper”, one who worships in spirit and in truth.

He mentored her.

And what did He see happen?

She rose to His challenge. Many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony.  She became a mentor. She paid it forward.

And Jesus LOVED IT!

….so much so that He stayed with them another two days (vs. 40). Remember - these were unclean, half-breed Samaritans we’re talking about.

Do want to experience that exuberance? Do you want to be so excited about something you can’t eat?

Become a mentor.

Make a disciple maker.

I was at the Catalyst Conference, talking to church leaders from all over the country about mentoring. The recurring theme was that men who will take the time to invest in younger men are rare. Very rare.

Why is this?

I didn’t set out on a mission to answer this question, but I think I found the answer as I read John 4 and saw two words that I’d overlooked all my life.

You know the story: Jesus is talking to the woman at the well. He tells her about the “living water” - once you drink it, you aren’t ever thirsty again.

But here’s what I missed:

In verse 14, Jesus says “but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Come into authentic relationship with Jesus and something starts bubbling deep inside of you….an exciting, perpetual energy and enthusiasm that keeps on refilling itself for the rest of your life….an enthusiasm and excitement that won’t slow down until you die and go to heaven.

As it wells up, it has to come out….you’ll have to worship Him, love Him, serve Him, and to do that the way He told us to, you’ll have to serve others. Loving and serving others taps that spring like nothing else can!

Where I grew up, there was a spring in the woods on the way to the community swimming pool. When they widened the road, the spring got filled in and the water was piped into a storm drain. Wasted. Useless. Forgotten.

Is that what will happen to your spring? Is it already happening?

Have you “widened your road”? …gotten busier and busier, just carrying more traffic?

Have you lost the energy you once had for Jesus? Forgotten the cross? Forgotten how much He loves you?

Do you remember how good it feels to serve….really serve? 

Yes? 

Then keep digging out the spring; keep removing the “dirt” that busyness has pushed in.

Serving lets the living water flow free again.

Mentoring is serving.